Figuring out life

It is already the 23rd of August of 2019, there are about 7 days to go to September. And it is only going to be 3 months away from 2020. Oh god, how fast the days went by. Almost did not manage to catch up any progress in life. I was not THAT busy, but I just had better things to do and worry about. After I decided to pursue my study, I have been struggling a lot with my own self. Post grad life is a lonely life. I miss my friends, I miss my amali class, I miss going to the ladang to keep myself away from my own thoughts. These 2 years were quite complicated, and I did a lot of mistakes that I cannot be sure that if I can rebound myself. Of course there are some memories and stuff that I am totally grateful in life. I guess this is what growing up means, to expect and accept changes.

I will be graduating this November (insyaallah), but I was not really proud of myself. Last time, I was so insecure that I felt my master's was just a disaster and I even feel ashamed. Yeah I know, it is silly. Then I had a great talk with my best friend. She really assured me to put my self up, and I should not be ashamed of what I had working on for the past 2 years. Maybe because I had spend too much time with my own self, I could not see what are the other perspectives. Thank you so much. I told you, I will write about that day haha. Yeah, I am proud of my 2 years of study. I am proud that I made this choice and survived it. 

Job hunting was not easy at all. There were about 20+ job posts that I have applied, but only few of them responded. Last week, I went for a few interviews but I felt really frustrated that I could not really 'sell' myself to the company. However last Tuesday, I got a call from one of the company and told me I got the job. It is not what I was hoping for but it was something. Hey, I got a job. Pray for me, as I am going to enter this work phase. I am clueless, but luckily guided and supported. 

At this age, all of us are still figuring out the odds of life. None of our timeline is the same. We maybe strive for the same thing, but our journey are objected to ourselves. It is okay to take it slow, and it is also okay to always keep pushing yourself for your own good. Do not live according to what make others pleased. Do what makes you happy. If you are not happy with what you are doing, you can always try again. Won't surrender, 'till it's over.

I hope life treats you kind.

(btw, this song made me want to take a late night drive and sliding down my car window to sing my lungs out just like in The Perks of Being A Wallflower's tunnel scene)