At the age of 24;

It's been a while. I am not really sure whether I had no time or too much time to update this blog, but tonight I suddenly have the urge to write.

How's your 2018 so far?
Do you get what you ever wished for? Are you finally been going through what an adult supposed to? Are you happy?

I felt a little bit rusty, writing in English. Pardon me but I have to practice more and more and more because learning never stop! Sigh. When will I ever be good at something? I could only do what I can do  best. Well, so far my 2018 was kind off confusing (I guess?). At the age of 24, there were so many life choices. Choices that could scares you over and over. Sometimes its not the choices that I am scared off, but the results, the consequences.

Some of your friends might already getting married, some are expecting a child, some are doing very excellent in their job, and some are giving their best in whatever they are been doing.

Aku masih merasakan aku menjalani rutin yang sama setiap hari. Aku tahu,itu adalah pilihan aku sendiri dan hanya aku lah yang merasakannya. Tetapi, aku juga tahu. Untuk kau menjalani sesuatu pilihan itu, kau harusnya berani. Janganlah ragu, Tuhan itu ada. Setiap orang ada kisah masing-masing, sama ada dia nak tunjuk atau tidak. Dua tiga hari yang lepas, aku dipelawa untuk makan tengah hari oleh rakan sekelas aku semasa degree. Di dalam kereta, kami berbual mengenai rumah sewa, tempat kerja dan beberapa topik yang berkaitan. Husna menceritakan pengalaman di tempat kerjanya dan bagaimana dia mengambil keputusan untuk berhenti. Setelah agak lama berbual aku mula faham dan aku berasa agak lucu. Aku terbayangkan semasa aku masih bersekolah rendah, aku menganggap seseorang yang berumur 24 tahun ini adalah seorang yang matang dan stabil. Aku menganggap pada umur 24 tahun, segala keputusan yang kau buat itu adalah paling terbaik dan nothing would go wrong. Lihat aja sekarang, akan menginjak umur 24 tahun tapi masih clueless, masih mencari mana yang bagi aku 'jalan selamat'.

Lately aku juga banyak berbual dengan Nik. Tentang hal hal kehidupan. Aku bersyukur ada kawan macam Nik. Dia 'sekepala' dengan aku. Rasanya kali terakhir kami bergaduh, adalah masa Tingkatan 4/5. Itu pun sebab aku patutnya teman kawan kelas aku pergi dating dan rupanya boyfriend dia ni ex Nik. Aku ingat lagi malam tu aku punyalah rasa bersalah sampai nangis minta maaf. Nik, kalau hg baca ni, hg tau kan aku sayang hg hahaha! After these years, you gained what you missed before. I am happy for you!

At the age of 24; aku penat. Kelas di hujung minggu, kerja di hari minggu. Banyak juga lah pengorbanan. Masih banyak rupanya yang aku perlu lalui. Bak pepatah lirik lagu The Scientist dari Coldplay, "Nobody said it was easy,". Nasib baik kadang ada Tiah. Haritu aku ada janji nak buat satu post khas untuk Tiah, tapi aku masih belum sempat mengarang dengan betul. Mungkin aku dah kena menulis sikit sikit. At the age of 24; I just want to live and love whoever I love. Dear Kegemaran, I am always here for you.

Terima kasih Tuhan, hadirkan manusia manusia yang menemani.


Aku harap, biarlah apa pun aku tak nak jadi seorang yang bitter. Biarlah apa pun.

delicate f flower

"you look mean"

now that you realized that i am not somebody you can mess with, you can keep moving.
people would gave a you a straight comment of how you look, just because you didnt smile or having a bad day. like wow, would you like it if someone who practically a stranger come out to your face and told you "you look like a snob". wtf man

its my face, i can totally give you whatever expression i want (just might you deserved it) lol

and maybe as time goes by, i lost a reason to smile (brightly). i felt self-conscious most of the time and i rather kept all my problems to myself. just because i thought those problem werent serious enough. well, someone have to be a grown-up.

next semester will be difficult, i guess. i hope i would have some idea to generate my fyp (final year project). and i really reallyyyy hope that i can finish my degree well.

i still want to be a writer hahaha maybe that's why i always felt excited about joining english program or theater like. my grammar is terrible and my vocab isnt wide enough :')
i still loves to read...and imagining myself as a writer or even better, dating a writer XD

mr laziness, please go away. mr creative please come back

Summary of 4th Semester subjects

 Assalamualaikum

Today I would like to write about what we did for last semester (Semester 4). For me, last semester was very VERY packed. I might be busier than the seniors who were doing their Final Year Project hahaha. So these are the list of the subjects taken :

Amalan Ladang : Tanaman Makanan
Tanaman Makanan
Getah
Agricultural Biochemistry
Entomology
Prinsip Ternak
Seed Technology
LAX

For Amalan Ladang, we had a special project which is Projek Jagung. We were required to plant our own maize (corn) for this semester. Everyone get their own ridge and we have to take care our own crops properly. And for this subject, we need to do practical things from what we learnt from class. So for every Friday, we will go to the Ladang in UPM and do all sort of planting. We get to harvest on our own too! This subject really took our time and efforts. We planted different food crops such as bayam, kangkung, sawi, mushrooms, cassava and many types of nuts. Under scorching sun, we remove weeds and put fertilizer. Some of the crops didnt grow up well and some of them were quite satisfying. We learned a lot of things in this subject. The most important thing would be hardwork and teamwork. This is also why my face got sun burn. =.=

Mine!

OMG Look at that haha

Look at those!

Hydroponic! 

Mushrooms!

So basically Tanaman Makanan class was the theory class for Amalan Ladang.

 Getah subject was the best for getting a good marks. You must wrote what ever you read about getah (rubber plant) in the examination and Insyaallah the lecturer will give marks for your effort. Hehe.

During a field trip

I flunked Agricultural Biochemistry in the first Test. It was consist of simple questions but maybe I was too shocked haha. But luckily Dr Tan helps us to gain more marks after that. Biochemistry seems to be a hardcore subject but Dr Tan made it easy. Thank you! 

To extract DNA

Grind grind grind

Nitrogen gas

Entomology! It used to be the subject that I would really want to avoid. In this subject, we learned about insects and we need to collect them. All 40 of them! I really hate insects especially cockroach :/

Even when it comes to collecting them, I'll ask my friend to pick them up for me hahaha. There's a lot of scientific names that you should memorise too! Luckily, Dr Azura made Entomology fun! I would say that I fell in love with this subject. Since our class only consist of 10 people, Dr Azura organized an Ento Race. Every one enjoyed themselves that day and the prize was KFC voucher! But still, I dont want to touch any insect anymore hahaha.

Yes, it is a cockroach!

Let's catch some insects!

Insects Collection

Prinsip Ternak was quite fun for me eventhough the lecturer was a strict person. Someone told me that she is so garang that I should just dropped that subject hahaha. Maybe because that the class didnt have many students so she was a bit relaxed. I really admire her passionate teaching. Also, the Red Shirt guy was in this class so sometime I would really looking forward for this class :p.

Seed Technology is actually an elective subject. Most of students in this class are the seniors (Third Year student). We, the Second Year students were struggling a bit to really understand the subjects. I would feel like a final year student during the laboratory sessions since we required to do all sort of experiments with seeds. It was a new experience for me.

Germination Test

Forgot to mention that we also have seed collection

My Precious Seed Collection

Guess what are these?

LAX, the subject where we become a scriptwriter, a cameraman, an editor, an actor, a makeup artist and even a director. We need no GAGAL here, please!

Basically, these are the summaries of all the last semester subjects. I am very lucky that this semester, all of the lectures for my class were quite lean. I even got exam tips :') There's a lot of things that happened in this semester. A lot of memories that I will always appreciate. I hope that this semester result will not only be better, but also can fix my last CGPA. It is quite hard when there are few people would still judge your intelligence based on pointers. People, stop that!

xx

Breathe

It has been raining since yesterday. The weather is cold and kind of windy. Who wouldn't love to sleep in this kind of weather :)

Sometimes I really love this weather where I can just snuggle in my warm blanket or even listening to sooth and slow music. There are also certain time that you will be reflecting yourself and this time you would be taking a really deep breath. Sometimes you just have to realize that you are lucky to be alive. Knowing that you are still breathing is a bliss. Be grateful that you still have the opportunity to express your love for your family and friends. 

Sometimes you might feel depressed or you just want to be alone. But after a while, you would realize you do need someone to talk to, someone that you can rely to. Cause I do. I, myself like to over-thinking over petty stuff. It can hurt you mentally. I don't know how to stop it or to discard that feeling. There for I will be apologizing for stuff that sometime didn't even matter to others. I would always felt guilty over something. Well, it just my dark side. The Exaggerate Atiqah. 

Right now, I would just want to participate in this life. My life. And you should too. Please, please don't give up. Do what you feel happy and contented. You should know that you are worth it. 

xx 

Dont let me drown.

Sometimes I dont really know what is going on in my mind. What I really want. Maybe sometimes I was a control freak. I want everything to go as I wanted to. Nothing can go wrong. But it always end up the opposite. I dont usually get what I want. And I tend to get overthinking to make sure everything would went well. I felt hopeless now, at this moment.

Everything seems wrong. But I was too unsure to really understand how reality works.

I know I should just stop. I know I can but there will be always a certain time that I am lost. Like right now :(

I wish you would understand when sometimes I dont give a damn bout certain things. I always have to struggle adapting myself. And right now, I just want to feel comfortable with myself.

“We mature with the damage, not with the years." - Mateus William

Dresses every woman should have

There will be a dinner party next semester and I am kinda excited for it. I dont know why, but I love dinner parties! Once I attended a senior dinner party and eventhough I was alone, I still have a great time. For every girls, the most important thing would be the dress right? I wore my Asasi dinner party  dress and mix it up with my roommates clothes. It was not my dinner party so I wore it simple and just nice. 

As we know, women tend to wear something nice whenever or wherever they go. Sometimes women wear something that would show a bit of their personalities and they do not afraid to show it. Dresses are commonly worn by women to go to the dinner parties, formal events and  even to class. Dresses are suitable for women in any group of age. There are 3 types of dresses that every woman should have. First, the black dress or known as LBD. The black coloured dress allows women to wear to various places while still maintaining a sophisticated character in front of others. Besides that, the LBD are easy for women to accessorize with other accessories such as jewellery, bags and shoes.

Next, the summer dress. The summer dress is suitable for woman who wanted to show their feminine and innocent side. It will be perfect to look casual and lovely at the same time!  Women who want to show off their girlish personality, the floral summer dress designs will be the perfect choice. Match the trendy summer dresses with a pair of ballerina flats or even heels to complete an elegant look.

Last but not least, the maxi dress. Maxi dresses give women a modest appearance while still portraying a sexy edge in their look. Pull together the maxi dresses with stunning heels or even simple pair of flip flips and go about your day feeling gorgeous. 

We can simply mix and match our dress according to certain theme of a dinner party or formal event. For those who would love to own the dresses and would simply buy it online to avoid hassle, check out ZALORA as they offer a wide range of women dresses online from various local and international brands.

:)

Hello, you

Well its been for a while. I'm back!

First of all, the good news is I am having my semester break now and for the bad news is the result of semester 3 (simulasi) is out! :(

As you know, we had to take the subject of writing last semester and it went pretty bad. I was not expecting to hate this subject until I got few bad grades for my papers and plus our instructor wont give us any marks for our assignments. Yeah we had done mistakes while finishing our assignment and we did try to correct them. But, nooooo she wont even budge to give us any marks because we sent the corrected one late. Like yeah, she told us the mistakes after the dateline. I am so fucking pissed off. I dont know whether I hate the subject or the instructor. Mehh. 

But both of them were difficult. I admit that I didnt really study thoroughly for the test 1 and test 2. I didnt understand and was confused by the grammar mistakes and citations and all that. When I studied them for the final, I finally get to it. But, it seems that it was not working. I still have a bad grade for English. And it effect my whole pointer of the last semester. Yeah, I was too gatal tangan to check the simulation result. Now I know my result and I cant do anything about it. :(

I'm just thankful that it wasnt so bad but imagined all the hard works. It is meaningless now.

Next semester will be a lot tougher since there are 3/4 class in the lab. So it will be a lot of experiments and lab reports. I know I'm a dead meat. I might want to repeat my english paper. I hate to repeat, but I need to. 

Okay, lets talk about other things. Just talking bout it just made me mad. My semester break for now, was okay. I spent my holidays most in my house. I didnt even feel the warmth of the sun haha. Becoming a vampire was not easy because I tried to be a healthy one. I no longer eat instant noodle for my brunch (breakfast+lunch) because I used to wake up really late. Now I had time to make breakfast and cook lunch for myself. 

I hope I can maintain the healthy lifestyle even in the college. Frankly, I used to have this thought that maybe if I was slimmer and know how to dress up, people would treat me differently. Treat me like a human, not like a joke.  I decided to not have feeling for anyone. Its funny right? To actually decide something that you cant even control. But, whatever. 

 What I was saying is, I dont feel sad anymore just because someone doesnt like me back (hahahaha). There's a lot more in this world that I havent explored and experienced yet. Besides, I know I am not ready for such commitment. HAHAHA. It felt silly talking bout commitment.

I hope I can do better for the next semester. Just want to have fun with my friends and enjoy the student life. I must not procrastinate on my assignments and studies. Dont be too lazy Atiqah. 

Untuk Perempuan lirik

Today I watched 30 Hari Mencari Cinta again. It is an Indonesian movie about 3 girls are betting to search for a boyfriend/love in 30 days. I used to watch it when I was in primary school. At that time,I was totally a die-hard-fan of Sheila On 7. I love all their songs. That movie had a few things that opened my eyes. I used to watch it just for fun but now, I can totally relate it to myself. The message from this movie is really great which is true love will eventually come to you.

All Sheila On 7's songs in that movie was superb and nostalgic haha. This song Untuk Perempuan, had really hit me.

I have to stay strong and be positive.

Untuk Perempuan - Sheila On 7

Jangan mengejarnya
Jangan mencarinya
Dia yang kan menemukanmu
Kau mekar di hatinya
Di hari yang tepat

Jangan mengejarku
Jangan mencariku
Aku yang kan menemukanmu
Kau mekar di hatiku
Di hari yang tepat
         
Reff:
Tidaklah mawar hampiri kumbang
Bukanlah cinta bila kau kejar
Tenanglah tenang dia kan datang
Dan memungutmu ke hatinya yang terdalam

Bahkan dia takkan bertahan tanpamu

Sibukkan harimu

Jangan pikirkanku
Takdir yang kan menuntunku pulang kepadamu
Di hari yang tepat
Reff:
Tidaklah mawar hampiri kumbang
Bukanlah cinta bila kau kejar
Tenanglah tenang aku 'kan datang
Dan memungutmu ke hatiku yang terdalam

Bahkan 'ku takkan bertahan tanpamu

Aku yang 'kan datang

The F word

"Maybe it is not the time yet. Sooner or later, I will understand"

Almost for an hour, Tia was trying to convince herself. She wiped the tears on her cheeks. She looked at her sister who was sleeping next to her. Safe and sound. It was already late and Tia was wide awake.

She could not figure out what was going on her mind. What most important is, what was really going on with her heart? Why does she have to be so stupid? So naive?

Fuck you, fuck you very much.

What are your aspiration in life?

Aspiration was defined as a hope or ambition of achieving something. If I was asked this question, I would blurred out. My mind will keep arranging words and reasons that would not sound silly. I want to make sure that my aspiration would sounds inspiring. Even though I was very hard to get motivated. One day I would be so enthusiastic but the next day I might be so down and depressed. I couldn't help myself. Even my mom told me that it may runs in our genes, to over thinking.

My aspiration in life would be something that make me feel better about myself and my life. I dont want to keep hating myself for the stuff or the decisions I'm making. I guess I always felt guilty. I want to make others to be happy around me, to accept me. I know, I can't really make ALL people to like me, There's a saying that says "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches." It makes sense right?

It seems like I was diverging from the original question. Haha. Anyway, the thing I was saying is I was too busy thinking about what others might think of me rather than worrying what I have done to impress Him. What was actually I have been doing for the rest of my 20 years of living? Have I done something enough to be a good servant? 

I noticed that I am not really istiqamah in making good deeds in my life. Iman naik dan turun. And I'm pretty sure I am vulnerable to get sad when my iman is low. Yes, I am easily to get influenced. That's scares me sometimes.

The greatest aspiration would be seeing my parent proud of me. I know, they love me so much and they would do anything to make me happy. I promise I would make them happy. I hope I can always be a good daughter to pray for them and make ease for them.  Amin.

It feels good when you actually accept yourself. Feeling good about everything. There's still a long journey ahead me. There might be ups an downs throughout the journey, but I hope I am fully prepared mentally and physically. Insyaallah.

(This question and thoughts were inspired by the Pretty Hurts song. The song kept repeating the words, "Are happy with yourself?" at the end of it. So it gave me few ideas to write about it)

So, what's your aspiration in life?

Waiting for dream and reality collide

So stop time right here in the moonlight, Cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes.

It feels different lately. I dont even know what it is. I was trying to keep it cool but I just cant stop myself from being so silly. I want to be stronger and be a lot more confident than before. Those smile I was wearing have a different meaning in it. It just did :3

It feels good to let it out. no more suppressing or keep it all alone. Like always, my mom would be the only person I can talk to. But, Alhamdulillah Allah gave me friends, close friends that I can trust to share my feelings and thoughts. I never realise it before. Thank you for being there!

I am happy for what I have for now. Alhamdulillah. Yes, I am going to be 20 next month. Am I getting matured? Erm maybeee I dont know haha. Cause I still felt like a child  haha.

I have a lot of wishes. One of them is fulfilling my dream to go abroad. Maybe one day, insyaallah. I am quiet scared actually. Anything can happen. If Allah wills, it was guaranteed. 

JAPAN

Since I'm still awake, I want to write about a place that I would love to travel. JAPAN :)

Everyone have their own dream place and mine was Japan. I know, people would say forget about going places before you went to Makkah & Madinah. Well, of course I do want to go there too...insyaallah one day. My life would be complete if I can go there perform Umrah and Haji. I really hope that I can make it.

Okay, why Japan?

I dont really know why I like Japan so much. Everytime I saw something related to Japan I would be excited haha. Maybe I was a little bit influenced by the anime movie Spirited Away. I really love the places that were shown in the movie eventhough they were not real. If there is a place just like the Ghost Town, I would certainly visit it.
Nowdays, people would be more excited to go to Korea because all the K-Pop thingy. To meet their fav bias or whatsoever haha. My sister, for example. Of course Korea also have its own beautiful prefecture and scenery. But I am way wayyy more interested to go to Japan :D

By the way, Japanese food seems appetizing. I had few of them in Sushi King, it was okay. I can still swallow and digested them. My favourite would be Ramen noodles and Sushi! all kind of Sushi hehe. I started to like sushi when I was in primary school. My maksu would always buy them when we went to Carefour. So since then, I can eat sushi and not feel sick after that. But there's saying that eating too much sushi can cause illness because the food was not cooked. Worms will appear and live in you brain! Scary though.

And of course, the story of 4th IASS. During the farewell at the KLIA  hahaha

"How many scarf did you have?"
"I'm not really sure maybe more than 20"
"So what is your favourite colour? My favourite colour is Green, Brown and Blue. I like them because it's the colour of nature. Green is tree. Brown is earth and Blue is water."
"I have a lot of favourite colour. But the colour I like the most are Blue and Purple.Like right now, I am wearing Blue scarf with blue t-shirt. So it can match! hehe"

He wandering around the airport and I was afraid that I might not have the chance to say a proper goodbye. I was talking to others when suddenly Keitaro came back from somewhere, carrying a bag. Some of them were teasing me. Then, he came and asked me.
"Atiqah, can you walk with me?"

I was really nervous. And I stand up. I was going to take a walk when one of my friend told him to say it in front of them. OMG! He stood in front of me and said all the nice things. He said that I was really a good friend, talk to him in English that he could learn more. He thanked me for taking care of him for the whole week. He wished me to study hard and achieve what I want. Then he gave me the bag.

"It's for you. To show my appreciation for you"

I opened it, it was a shawl. It was beautifull and I can tell it was expensive since it was branded and he bought it at airport.

"It has Blue and Purple in it. Just like your favourite colour"
"Thank you so much Keitaro. I never had a gift before. Thank you"

I was glad that I didnt cry. I am really glad.

It was already 5 months since they left. Everything that happen that night only remains as a memory. A memory that I am unsure. Am I dreaming? But, since that day we didnt talk much anymore. He was busy with his activity and after few weeks I found out that he was with Defika. Yup, they were together. I was quite shocked at first because all the things that he had said was kinda confusing me. Yup, I am still jealous of them but I realized that its just a summer fling. They deserved together. And maybe its good for me, because long distance relationship might couldnt work with me. Who am I kidding? It was impossible for someone to actually like me. =.=

I was over it now. But I still love enjoying new stuff. Last few days I was totally addicted to anime : Natsume Yuujinchou. All the 4 seasons I have completed! :') I really really like Nyanko Sensei. A fat cat haha. I am learning few Japanese words. So I knew few words of basic Japanese. I hope one day my wish can be granted. I wanted to go to Japan. Maybe if I have good grades, I can further my master in Japan. Or maybe I just save my money to go there. The best thing could happen is, my significant will take me there. hahaha dreaming again. So that's all.

It seems that I didnt write much about Japan but more to a Japanese guy ahhaha. Sumimasen! :3

A Letter To Me, From Me

Suddenly I have the urge to read my old diary. I've stop written them since I was going to take SPM haha. I was wondering that I might write again someday. The diary was full with depressed, sad and intense thoughts. I remembered that when I was writing, my tears would flow. I might cry almost every night hurm.

I didnt know when I started became so bitter and depressed. Well, it was not to obvious because in school I still hang out with friends. Laugh and do pretty much all the things that a teenage girl would do. Maybe I was thinking too much when I'm alone. Maybe I always have been the bitter girl. After that one bad past, my life was upside down. 2010. It was my downfall. I've realized that since then, I cant love myself completely. Sometimes, I wonder what did I do that I deserve all of these?

I know, I shouldnt think like that.

After that I always want to be more than anyone that I hate. I want to show them that I can be better than them. To show them that I am no longer a stupid teenage girl. Alhamdulillah, I am really grateful that my prayers were granted in His own way. I may have not become a doctor as I wish for but I am glad for what I have now.

I am still waiting for another beautiful years of life. Right now, just seize the moment.

7/8/2011

My life is great right? I never been loved by a guy that I'm interested. The only thing I get is broken heart. Atiqah, be strong okay. I know its hard for you but you should move on. That stuff that you were worried are not important. You can find a better person. Insyaallah. You will never be alone. Allah had decided it. You wont get heart broken again. Forget all the ridiculous stuff for a moment, focus on your studies. That is the most important thing right now. You can think about this after you finish your last SPM paper. And trust me, these people are not important at all. If they truly love you, they wont be able to hurt you. Dont forget, your parent still love you. You still have your family and friends to support you. You dont need a guy right now in your life. Its better off to forget them like how they forget you. Be happy with yourself. They are the one that blind for not seeing the best of you. You are better than them, remember that YOU are BETTER than them! You can do better than them. Insyaallah. 

Love, Me

06072014

Sometimes, even words cant explain.

Malaysia oh Malaysia

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/leave-city-centre-by-monday-or-face-the-penalty-tengku-adnan-tells-soup-kit

“The image of my city is very bad. If I don’t do this sort of thing, society won’t be disciplined,” 

Hati Mati

Seandainya waktu

Tak pernah pertemukan aku dengan dirimu

Akan kubiarkan mati hatiku selamanya

Sehingga kau datang membangunkan aku

-Kurelakan Jiwa (Hazama)-

Biarlah hati aku mati sementara tapi bukan mati kaku dari agama atau hilang pegangan agama. Biarlah hati aku mati daripada terus punya perasaan yang mungkin agak membuang masa. Biarlah hati aku mati daripada terus memendam sifat-sifat yang menghancurkan. Biarlah hati aku mati dari punya perasaan kepada sesiapa yang tak ditakdirkan Dia. Biarlah hati aku mati tak terus gundah memikirkan yang ragu-ragu. Biarlah hati aku mati sementara ini. Sehingga engkau yang berkemungkinan bisa menghidupkan aku. Ya, engkau. 

Ramadhan Kembali

1 Ramadhan 1435

Harini merupakan hari pertama berpuasa bagi seluruh umat Islam di Malaysia. Alhamdulillah harini hujan dari pagi tadi. Almost seharian jugaklah hari sejuk :3
Alhamdulillah this year I still have the opportunity to fast with my family well except for Nina because she still in the middle of her studies. But still, tomorrow I'll have to go back to UPM for few days to take care of something. May Allah ease my way.

So what's for sahur? hehe
Alhamdulillah mak sediakan sahur yang agak menyelerakan walaupun simple. Nasi goreng dengan ayam goreng. I planned to wake up and  do the sahur dish today, but today was a little bit rush and mak ja yang buat sahur. I'll make it up to you okay mak hehe.

Tahun ni ingat nak berbuka dengan sederhana sebab nak jaga pemakanan haha. I really wanted to lose some weights and I have to disciplined myself. So maybe untuk berbuka japgi kena makan berpada-pada. Eat LESS.

Last 2 years, I have lost about 5 kg. That's because I was fasting in college. I was busy and sometimes I didnt have my sahur. It was a big change for me because usually its hard for me to lose that much and somehow, my weight always kept constant. Like now, my weight is still the same as the 2 years before. But I still doesnt feel good about myself and my weight :/

I want to have the ideal weight, well at least its normal. I also want to be healthy. I dont want to have penyakit like darah tinggi because my mom and my grandmother ada darah tinggi.

Sometimes I miss fasting in college but being with family is still the best. Cant wait for this raya..jumpa semua saudara mara. Eating good food, erm hahaha.

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al-Mubarak dan Selamat Menjalani Ibadah Puasa! :D

I hate it.

I dont like it when I feel so fragile

I can listen to sad songs all night long and I could be thinking all the negative and depressed thoughts. Why everythings can be seem so beautiful and suddenly, you would lost it?
It's seems like I have been dreaming all along. If its so, please dont wake me up.

I tried to be strong. I already can say "no". I'm building walls around my heart so that I can't be hurt anymore. Sometimes I just dont know how to react with people all around me.

I really love the idea that one day, someone would comfort me not to think of this world or other people. But maybe the journey is still long. I'll have to be patient bout it. I know its sounds ridiculous when I suddenly talk about it. Or is it getting lame because I always talk about it? Well, the reason I write is to express. And right now, I am expressing my emotions.

I always get the wrong idea of how people treated me. When there's a guy that have been too nice to me, I'll be head over heels and maybe thought that he would like me back. Poor Tiqah. And yeah, I was wayy too silly to be thinking that someone would actually like me. Come on, no one like a messed up girl like me.

I hate it. I hate when I feel so fragile.

Dugaan

Harini bertimpa dugaan yang Kau berikan

Aku hampir lemah dan hanya mahu meratap

Tapi aku perlu ingat

Setiap dugaan yang Kau berikan itu

Adalah cara untuk bersihkan dosa lepas

Berdoa berdoa

Itu yang aku mampu lakukan

Hanya itu

Saat ini airmata bergenang

Ya Allah hanya kau tahu betapa peritnya

Dunia seakan mengejek

Membuat aku jatuh.

"Di kala kau sangka dugaan yang kau dapat tu lebih berat, ada kalangan yang lain lagi dapat dugaan yang lebih hebat. Kau mungkin hanya kehilangan benda atau perkara yang boleh diganti. Dia, kehilangan seseorang yang telah membawanya ke dunia ini"

(Al-Fatihah buat bonda kawan sebilik)